Slapthebag's Blog

soy milk sunrise

Looks like insomnia has gotten the best of me. In my feeble attempt to fall asleep I watched a movie — Mona Lisa Smile. Not only did it keep me awake for the duration, but it made me cry. So not only is my insomnia keeping me awake, the annoyance of having cried during a Kirsten Dunst movie is too.

I’m sure to be super chipper in the morning, and hopefully this soy milk will kick in and cancel out the 8 cups of coffee I had today.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and get prank called again

Cheers!

Same Old Shit, Different Decade.

Happy News Years everyone. It feels the same to me. I’m still seeing the guy I was in Dec 2009 and if anything things have gotten worse . I didn’t spend my New Years Eve with this guy, or even wake up with him, and I already knew January 1st that he had to go. The kid is already kissing my ass like I’m his abusive compliment hungry girlfriend, and I’m kicking myself because I’ve realized that it is probably my fault. The week before New Years I stayed at his house every single night, but accomplished a minimal amount of hooking up because of a certain “ahem” monthly visitor. As a reslut I think I  pushed our relationship into something  non-purely sexual. Instead it’s now everything in between that and just short of engagement. I want to vom every time I think about it, and I’ve been scheming of ways I can worm my way out of yet another awkward situation I seem to continuously find myself in. I’ll  probably end up just jumping out of the plane headfirst without my parachute  or common courtisy, because I’d rather get out of dodge quickly than struggle through it to make sure we’re still friends. Poor bastard.

I’ve never been one for New Years resolutions as I’m convinced they are all gd bullshit, but my sanity is at risk and I think its about time I did myself a favor.  Starting as soon as I can shake this spineless overanalytic “helpless romantic” (yes I just threw up a little bit in my mouth) I’m calling it quits for any guy who’s accessories don’t include at least one of the following:

A chainsaw, sleeve of tattoos, chopper, shotgun, warrant out for his arrest – in more than one state, rap sheet, hangglider, shark bite, jacked up jeep, battle wound, passion for deadly thrills, passport stamped Antarctica, or a serious case of  “I don’t give a fuck.”

To everyone else: The position has been filled. Go wash the sand out of your vagina.

caffeine is the working girl’s crack

I need to stop crying during movies, especially when I’m by myself. It’s rediculous and unacceptable. When I was playing Hermit this weekend I watched Ray and Cinderella Man and my face was soaked on more than one occasion. Yet another reason why I should not be left alone in my apartment. My secret single behavior is beginning to concern me.

I started working out again, and I’m waddling everywhere. No fun. This is reason enough to not stop — even though it’s going to happen sooner than I’d like. It feels awesome and terrible at the same time. It’s the best. Too bad my iPod died when I was on the treadmill and I decided to run faster than usual just so it would go by faster. Hearing the people around me breathe made more an more unpleasant than usual work out. Not to mention that the gym in my complex is uber creepy. Flickering lights, old equiptment, faint music playing. Dislike.

Also, I’m pretty happy that the holidays are over. Now I won’t have cookies, pie and nog lurking at every corner. Evil, caloric holiday treats.

Hope everyone’s new year is boding well!

Cheers!

Somewhere between a baby and an old lady

I’m really disturbed that my new favorite activity is getting 10+  hours of sleep and then waking up with a great feeling of accomplishment.  This is beyond acceptable. Waking up, all refreshed and chirpy — to missed calls/texts/picture mail from 10 pm and beyond — is a startling side effect of hibernation. The missed alerts are laughing at me, making me realize all of the debauchery I missed the night before.

This starts even before going to bed. When I’ve put on my sweats/PJs and have convinced myself that I’m “too tired” to go out, and all I “want” is my Franzia Box and Russell Crowe. This is why I should never be alone in my apartment, I need a voice of reason and lush to sway me from my laziness/lethargy. I’m too damn young to stay in on a Saturday, and my next resolution is to never wake up with missed texts on my phone.

Maybe I can find someone who’s brave enough to flail around on a Sunday?

We shall see…

Cheers! xoxoxo

A blog is born, again

So I made my first post, and proceeded to delete it.  New blogger FAIL. After pounding another cup of cafe, I’m ready to start anew. This blog comes at the start of 2010, what better time to start keeping record of my galavanting and lush-ishness? I started the year with Third Eye Blind, gin-and-a-splash-of-tonics and a hangover. Pretty sure that’s how I started off 2009. So glad to see I haven’t changed in the past 12 months.

I’m officially starting my New Year on Monday, seeing as I’m not ready to do anything to better myself, including: running again, eating well.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start working out on my lunch break, seeing as I don’t eat lunch on my break and an extra hour sitting on my ass on Facebook is not bettering my psyche at all. I’m also going to work on reducing my food baby so that I don’t have to roll home.

My wanderlust is in full swing, and I’m anxiously awaiting for my younger brother, Joshua, to study abroad in London come fall so that I have an excuse to globetrot. As of now I’m thinking London, Paris and Rome. My work wife, Maxie, plans to join, hurrah! It’ll be hard to bypass the French Riviera, albeit gross in the winter/fall.

Well back to work, it’s an usually slow Saturday in the office. At least I’m wearing sweats and Uggs, and Jew fro, bien sur.

Cheers! xoxo